Archive for July 2002

Much Ado About Arse   Leave a comment

Picked up leaflet in charity shop recently that informed me that I almost certainly had most of the symptoms associated with bowel cancer (blood, gore, poo etc). Spent the next week blinking morosely at people, places and things as though for the last time. As I saw it, the remainder of my life would feature in quick succession:

· Heart-stoppingly awkward discussion with doctor.
· Discovery of lumps in bum by doctor’s finger.
· Visit to special bum-specialist for more verbal and physical discomfort.
· Attempt to remove bum-lumps with piece of wire through which an electrical charge is passed.
· Full-on cancerous bum situation leading to colostomy bag situation.
· Death itself.

The more I thought about it, the more certain it seemed. I was very sad and terrified, and couldn’t sleep. Conversations seemed unbearably trivial and off the point. Even when talking to a friend of mine who is going through hideous relationship difficulties of the type I dread I had to hold back the urge to say “At least you aren’t going to die. I am.” Eventually I confided to Sam that I was not long for this world, and she booked me a doctor’s appointment for the next morning. That night I sensibly went out and got completely pissed, and failed to eat any dinner bar half an onion bhaji (the well-known cure for cancer). The next morning I had a shower so thorough that you’d have thought I was about to begin shooting an adult film, and dressed in loose-fitting clothes. I left for the doctor’s without any breakfast, and Mill Road seemed unbearably surreal. The insanely mad old lady who works in H. Gees walked past me in a purple hat that was so small it belonged on a cartoon monkey, and everybody seemed to be moving in slow motion. I felt that everybody could look at my tracksuit bottoms and deduce that I had a serious health problem in the back passage. By the time I got to the waiting room I was literally shaking with fear and gasping for breath. I picked up a women’s magazine that was just a galaxy of wrist-slitting shallowness and forced myself to read it. The waiting room filled and emptied several times before two very old and very ill looking men came in and sat either side of me, breathing hard. It was difficult not to see this as some sort of terrible sign. Eventually the doctor called my name and I staggered after him. He asked me a couple of questions concerning bums, told me that it was extremely unlikely I had bowel cancer and then told me he’d better take a quick look at my “tail” just to make sure. He put his finger in my bum and gave me the all clear. If the immediately preceding circumstances had been different, I might have kissed him.

You’d have thought that I might have been overwhelmed by a sense of relief or even euphoria, but all I really felt was a stuttering cancellation of the dread that I had been living with for the past week or so, and a kind of creeping back-to-normalness. Within the hour I was touring the charity shops with Syd in my normal mood of numb resignation. Amusingly one of the first chazzers I came to is staffed occasionally by a guy who must work there as some sort of rehabilitative therapy, in that he has obvious suffered some sort of brain damage at some point (you get the impression that he might not always have been that way). Anyway as I walk in he immediately starts talking to me in his usual largely incomprehensible slur, but I instantly grasp (with my hyperactive doom-sensors) that what he is telling me is that a potentially Earth-destroying meteorite is headed towards our planet at some point in the future.

Later on when I am feeding Syd and the TV is on just at the threshold of audibility I catch the tail end of a news report that suggest that this is indeed the case. Absurdity and fear are clearly tagging along behind me like two stupid dogs who just won’t go home.

Posted July 27, 2002 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

Here's a list of records I've bought recently   Leave a comment

Here’s a list of records I’ve bought recently (all second-hand obviously). Some dubious ones!

John Foxx – Europe After The Rain 12″
Sungura Boys – Hapana Chisingapere (Zimbabwean chaps from 1985 – covers looks like 1969)
Ralph Towner – Works
Human League – Fascination 12″
Various – New Electronica – American & European Technological Innovations Vol 1
Prince – For You (got it on CD already)
Various – Sounds Of Soweto (unlike the quality Streetsounds collections, this is all dodgy 80s stuff, but it takes me back and I kinda dig it).
Taste – Live At The Isle Of White
Various (sung by Oscar Brand) – Election Songs Of The United States
Jan Garbarek – Works (keep buying stuff like this when I know I’ll hate it)
Yazoo – Nobody’s Diary 12″
Nik Kershaw – Human Racing 12″ (no excuse!)
Narrated by Robert Marshall – Americans (patriotic spoken word bollocks – still sealed)
Malcolm McLaren – Would Ya Like More Scratchin 12″ (got another version of this somewhere I think)
The Four Horsemen – Nobody Said It Was Easy (Rick Rubin produced metal boogie stuff)
Tricky Disco – Tricky Disco Remix 12″ (scratchy remix version to go with much-loved original 12″)
The Art Of Noise – Beatbox 12″ (yes!) (got several copies of the LP)
Yello – Call It Love 12″
Grace Jones – Nipple To the Bottle 12″
Gen X – Kiss Me Deadly
Japan – Quiet Life
Vanity 6 – Vanity 6
The SOS Band – Just Be Good To Me
Billy Idol – White Wedding 12″ (you can’t have too many copies of this)
Hamilton Bohannon – Let’s Start The Dance 12″ (another copy somewhere)
Scritti Politti – The Sweetest Girl 12″
Mahlathini & Mahotella Queens – Paris – Soweto (used to have a really good LP by this lot – probably better than this late effort).
Billy Idol – Don’t Stop 12″
Mr Men Stories – (Arthur Lowe in the house)
Spinal Tap – Spinal tap OST
Thompson Twins – Set
Parschauer Trio – World Of Life Quartet
Human League – Hard Times/Love Action 12″
Garbarek/Jarrett/Danielsson/Christensen – Belonging
The Human League – Unlimited Orchestra
Peaches – Set It Off 12″
Sheila E – The Glamorous Life
Vincente Bianchi – Misa A La Chilena (dicey Chilean tourist-fodder)
Soft Cell – The Singles
Daniel Ash – Get Out Of Control 12″
Prince – 1999 12″
ABC – Poison Arrow 12″
Junior – Mama Used To Say 12″
Lene Lovich – New Toy 12″
The Cure – The Upstairs Room 12″
Jacques Brel et al – L’Homme De La Mancha
Talk Talk – Life’s What You Make It Remixes12″
M – Moonlight And Muzak 12″
The Mood – Passion In Dark Rooms (dodgy 80s UK electropop)
RAF – Self Control (punishingly awful Italian pop version of the Laura Branigan outing)
Midnight Star – Engine No 9 (bought it for the haircuts)
Couchois – Couchois (terrible 70s rock – haircuts and laughably bad lyrics)
The Boss – Dancing In The USA 12″(belief-buggering German hamfisted covers medley of Springsteen hits – “Born In The USA” a particular highlight)
Freeez – I.O.U. 12″
Various – Motown Chartbusters Vol 3
Fun Boy Three – The Telephone Always Rings 12″
Propaganda – Machinery 12″
Lene Lovich – Say When 12″
Rich Kids – Ghosts Of Princes In Towers
Stories Of Larry The Lamb In Toytown
Eugene Wilde – Personality 12″
Nico – The End
Timex Social Club – Rumours 12″
X-ray Spex – Identity 7″
10CC – Rubber Bullets 7″
Japan – I Second That Emotion 7″
OMD – Enola Gay 7″
John Lennon – Nobody Told Me 7″
The Jackson 5 – Lookin’ Through The Windows 7″
Flowered Up – Its On 7″
EMF – Unbelievable 7″
Cockney Rebel – Mr. Soft 7″
Joy Division – Love Will Tear Us Apart 7″
Linton Kwesi Johnson – Want Fi Goh Rave 7″
John Cooper Clarke – Post War Glamour Girl 7″
David Bowie – Ashes to Ashes 7″ (with the stamps)
Talking Heads – Pulled Up 7″
Dennis Brown – Money In My Pocket 7″
John Cooper Clarke – !Gimmix! Play Loud 7″
Hot Butter – Popcorn 7″

Plus 5 Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci CD singles that I can’t be arsed to list.

It’s not so much the quality as the quantity that’s so shameful. I think there’s only about 5 things on the list that I actually genuinely feel chuffed to have.

Posted July 25, 2002 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

An indie band called Paxman?   Leave a comment

Sorry I never write.

Now I have no excuse because Sam is out for a girl’s night out and I’m in the cupboard with PC and beer. Unfotunately I’m bereft of news or inspiration. I write best with a hangover for some reason. See you tomorrow maybe.

Heavy weekend ahead. Going to London for Paul LOMAX’s birthday thing, because I’m invited. Me and Rob are going to go with my Camcorder and be get evilly fucked, most probably. Then I’ll have to get my shite together for the next day which is Nathan 2-Arg’s exhibition (featuring DJ Pete Me) so I’ll be in crowd-pleasing mode and hopefully there will be one. It’s me and Iain so I guess that’s us trying to out discofunk each other, although I’ll probably be dropping Sabbath by the end of the evening if there’s enough wine, and Sabbath if there isn’t.

Goatta get a DJ name so I don’t have to be DJ UM or DJ Peter or whatever. I’ve considered some options:

DJ Shit
(bit shit, bit negative)
DJ Alcohol
(I like it but you wouldn’t want to die by it)
Double X
(it’s like a junglist name but funny because you can only manage two Xs. I mean, what’s XX?)
DJ Mozart
(only works if you get 2 grand a gig)
DJ Jollybum
(sorry, I’m getting drunk now)

Bought loads of records lately but don’t have them to hand so I can’t list them pointlessly. Alexis gave me a copy of Devo’s “Satisfaction” (p/s) and I’m still getting it out for a look every so often. Talking of Alexis, if your reading this nigga, send me a mail – I don’t have a working address. Also I bought Prince’s “For You” today on vinyl (goes nicely next to my CD copy) and I thought of little musicians everywhere. Also bought a John Foxx 12″. What is the good John Foxx anybody? What am I looking for? Please nobody get in touch and tell me I have issues concerning the 80s that need to be addressed or whatever.

What else? I saw this drunk guy in the street about a month or two ago and he was half-lying half sitting on the pavement with his trousers about a quarter off and he was trying to pull them up but he didn’t know what he was doing and he was just a fucking derelict and people were walking straight past including me.

Why oh why did I tell that story of Adam’s about the shit-eating dog at 93 Feet East? Sam said I killed the air of expectancy stone-dead. Nobody laughed much anyway. I knew it was a bad idea somewhere in the back of my mind, but I just let the front bit convince me. When Adz tells it its hilarious
I was watching Moby on the South Bank Show the other day and he seemed such a corporate cocksucker and then there was this footage of him talking to the audience at one of his gigs and I thought – “that’s me!” There was this wince-inducing element to it that made me realise that no matter how relevant you think your self-revelatory shtick is to the project, a lot of people are just going to want to get what they thought they were gonna.

I have no gigs lined up, save one in November because I just can’t say no to Simon Baker (he’s like Manchester United). Got to get loads of genius new songs together using effort and discipline. I’m pretty into it. I’ve done two songs already and they’re both bollocks but I’m kind of pleased with the first, if only for the fact that I worked fairly diligently at something that sounded awful to begin with and it now sounds interesting if not actually pleasant in any way. The second one started off as being a fairly tolerable Panasonic rip-off which has had nothing added to it by my layer upon layer of West Country vocals, for some fucking stupid reason. I really hate it when I get defeated by the vox bit. It seems so hard to get a good vocal sound with a PC unless you’re working with something that’s really quiet anyway. Maybe trying to do some singalong thing to grinding fake Finnish minimal shit is just not happening anyway. Got to keep at it though. I need a whole new album and a whole new set. Jesus. Feel like Moby.

Richard Rippin is like a big famous guy in the union movement now. I’ll only be happy when he’s head to head with Paxman. Come to think of it, wasn’t it a concept (Rob?) that Rich would be in an indie band called Paxman?

Posted July 25, 2002 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized