Fatty treats me like a monkey   Leave a comment

Had to go back to the job centre on Friday, which felt like a salmon’s journey upstream to the spawning point. Not sure if I’ve got my zoology correct there but that’s what it felt like anyway. Kept trying to remind myself that, within certain parameters, I was in charge of my own destiny. I was locking up my bike when I saw a young guy cycle up, drop his bike on the floor and stride into the entrance where the drinkers/druggers sit. I was frowning at the risk he was taking by leaving his bike there when he almost immediately re-emerged with a handful of banknotes. If only it was that easy, I thought to myself. Somebody must have owed him money I guess. I went into the other entrance (for general jobsniffer processing), took a ticket, and sat down to watch the human interest. I soon found my gaze drawn to attractive young woman in a pair of tight-fitting slacks. She was stylishly dressed in a high-street sort of way, and, I dunno, some people just look good in clothes. Then I noticed that one of the client advisers, a guy who I regard as bit of a sadsack because he’s been there for years (stop sniggering at the back!) and they tend to have a bit of a desperate air about them after a while (as well they might) staring at this woman in a similarly mindfuless and Id-driven manner, and I snapped my attention away. Then she gets called up to the reception bit to be seen by the well-bred, moderately good-looking but haplessly overweight flak-catcher at the desk, who tells her that she won’t be seen that day because the computer’s fucked up. Immediately it becomes apparent that she is one of those types of people, and you see a fair few down at the dole, which believe that bureaucracy is something that can be shouted out of the way. In many cases, of course, they are absolutely right. The funny thing was my high street goddess turns out to have the voice of Paul Whitehouse’s Ted from The Fast Show. Now, I know you’re thinking that I’m using amusing shorthand for saying that she has a strong Irish accent, whereas what I am actually telling you is that she SPEAKS WITH THE VOICE OF TED FROM THE FAST SHOW, and that although she is angry with Fatty at the desk, she repeatedly calls him “Sor, just like Ted does. Anyway, somehow by being fit, shouty and saying “Sor” a lot, she gets her way, but when I go up there matey treats me like a monkey.

Great to be back though.

Posted July 6, 2003 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

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