Simplicity itself…   Leave a comment

Weird Mill Road Happenstances:

Sometimes I can’t tell whether Mill Road should be renamed Freak Street or if I’ve just got my goggles set to Weird-O-Vision. I was pounding up towards the road towards the bridge, anxious and stressed as usual, when I passed a little figure dressed all in black, with long jet-black hair, two strands of which had managed to creep forwards past his ears. His face was small, round, red and pimply. As he passed by me like some sort of Dickensian goblin I stared at him, trying to suss out if he could possibly be real. He regarded me with similar intensity, probably because it’s rude to stare, especially at the mildly disfigured. Though hot, it was about to rain, and the light was strange. Soon I was approaching the butcher’s shop, still shaking my head as though that would make normality return, and I noticed a woman standing outside but looking into the gloom of the shop where carcasses of pigs were hanging in the window. She was sort of half-pointing towards the premises, as though the spectacle was too awful to draw attention to directly, and was sobbing almost theatrically. I wondered what the guys in the butcher’s were thinking. It was almost like the Animal Liberation Front meets Jeremy Beadle. She might have been a bit simple. You can’t say that anymore, obviously, but then again I was in the park the other week with Syd and this other kid was being mildly difficult. His dad, who admittedly looked like he’d given up on style in about 1981 (he looked like a 70’s civil servant is what I’m trying to say) turned to me and said “he’s a bit simple” by way of explaining his son’s behaviour. I felt a bit like saying something like: “dude, your clothes are fucking simple,” but of course I just nodded.

You know The Weather Lady (see lists)? Someone else is muscling in on her act. On Mill Road (where else?) the other day this woman with a dodgy leg (I’m walking a fine line today, for some reason) said something to this nerdy beef-monkey in Goth-at-Tescos clothes who was passing, so he stopped and took off his headphones. “Nice day today!” she repeats. He nodded, wondering what the fuck was going on.

Maybe this is why the original Weather Lady said: “not very nice weather today, is it?” to me a couple of weeks ago, as though realizing she’d have to broaden the scope of her act.

My old pal Vlad, who was born on Mill Road back when it had a hospital, and must have walked up and down it ten times more than I have, used to refer to the street in cosmic terms (mind you, he used to refer to most things in cosmic terms). He said it was like the blood that flowed through his veins. I have to say I feel increasingly in tune with the road, like if something’s even vaguely out-of-whack I’ll spot it immediately. I realize that in one sense this is sad, but I moved about a lot when I was a kid y’see? Like, where is Wasserman? Where is Chris The Junkie? Who is that woman with the little dog who looks ever so slightly like Genesis P. Orridge (not the fucking dog, you idiots!)? I dunno, maybe I’m just a bit simple.

Posted August 17, 2004 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

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