Archive for October 2005

People bully boy.   Leave a comment

Hey, we haven’t had any spam for a while have we?

Feel insecure about your penis size?

Californians invented the concept of life-style. This alone warrants their doom.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

If everybody’s thinking alike, somebody isn’t thinking.
A plan is just a tangent vector on the manifold of reality.

You can be a rank insider as well as a rank outsider.

Yup. Sorry for moaning in the last issue. They didn’t really look at me like an alien in a wheelchair, and it’s a regrettable phrase too. Also, am I being too hard on Jim O’Rourke? It’s bullying, essentially, isn’t it? And we all know why people bully.

Posted October 22, 2005 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

In which Um has a tough gig.   Leave a comment

I have to say I had a tough gig at Eclectic at APU the other night. It can feel a bit lonely sometimes when you’re a psychedelic avant-pop karaoke experimental entertainer looking around a room full of kids virtually half your age nodding and smiling and grooving their shoulders to 50 Cent (and other, lighter stuff that I couldn’t put a name to) and you know you’ve got to get up onstage in front of them very soon and try to win their respect somehow, or at least keep them from leaving or staying to throw things. I started looking at the students, many of them freshers presumably, all keen to make an impression on each other, and perhaps fronting a bit, and I began to feel a bit cynical and old. Then I realized that I was cynical and old, and I felt even worse. I looked at the flashy new bar, with all the staff in uniform, and the two guys on the door, and the football playing on all the screens, and the kids all trying to look grown-up and cool and happy, and like they were much more concerned with doing that than worrying about whether this world is going to hell in a handcart, which is what it appears to be doing to me. It also seemed to me that The Man had all these kids exactly where he wanted them, doing what he wanted them to do, and thinking what he wanted them to think. It was like the guys on the door were there to keep them in, rather than keep anybody else out, just in case the collective false consciousness evaporated or something.

Anyway, I could turn this one into a huge screed but I don’t want to continue in this moany tone (for too long), and I don’t want to offend anyone (like the promoter, for instance, because it wasn’t his fault I had a bad gig). The two main problems with the night were the fact that it had been advertised as an open-mic night by mistake, even though there were more than enough performers actually booked to play, and the fact that the PA system was unsuitable and there were no monitors. The PA also has the fiercest limiter I’ve ever encountered (worse than the Dev’s) and so the sound kept cutting out entirely. Anyone who wasn’t a mime artist was more or less fucked. So, at roughly 10PM we had a queue of open mic types swarming near the front, and as I was due to go on last I was starting to think that there was no way they were going to fit me in. The open mic posse were:

· A red-haired dude with an acoustic who sang with a gutsy, Rod Stewart-esque voice. Whenever he finished a tune he said “Awl—right!” and everyone cheered.

· An indie kid whose guitar was making some quiet, mangled noise and to whom the PA in general was particularly unkind. He did an Athlete song and a Biffy Clyro track. The crowd loved him.

· Marc Abrahams did a couple of poems about the rape of the planet and the erosion of our civil liberties, but I think he got away with it.

· A very spiritualised yet geezerish Essex boy told us about his mental personal journey from drug-dealing, burglarising bad bwoy to meditating poet. The crowd dug it.

· A good-looking man-child called Tom with an acoustic did the 12″ disco maxi mix (well, it seemed to last forever to me) of “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” by the seminal group Poison. I looked across the room and I could see a girl sitting alone, staring at the guy like he was the most beautiful and deep creature she had ever been blessed to encounter. When I looked back at her a few minutes later she was crying. I almost began to cry myself, as I haven’t given up any semblance of a normal, happy life to chain myself to my fucked-up gesamtkunstwerk just for some acoustic-strumming muppet to bring down the house with a Poison song. Except that he did, even though the PA kept cutting out and he was there playing his little heart out in silence once or twice.

· Then two hip-hop monkeys, one of whom was terribly nervous despite looking like a bit of a hard nut, got up and MC’d over a CD. I was interested in this because I’m a sad grime fanboy of late but they were more your traditional UK hip-hop ting and the PA wasn’t doing them any favours whatsoever. Nevertheless the audience were very positive.

· Finally a metal kid with lank hair and a flying V did some fairly virtuosic fretwanking. He declared that he “couldn’t be arsed” to take the stage so he sat off to one side and played. It didn’t seem fair that someone who was too scared to perform in front of people was literally stealing the show from a pathetic attention-junkie like myself, but in any case he went down extremely well indeed.

It was now just before 11PM. A lot of people had left. I got up and did about four or five very short songs, and the PA cut out in all but one of them. The remaining crowd looked at me like I was an alien in a wheelchair, if you know what I mean. Tough gig.

It’s probably something to do with the fact that I was a cocky monkey in Bury the other night and there was some kind of karmic balance to be restored. Well, I’m presuming we’re even, at least. Thanks and good night.

Posted October 20, 2005 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

Good advice makes me laugh.   Leave a comment

This diary isn’t meant to be some sort of clearing house for reviews of Tripel 004, but Dave did spend a ton of fucking money making the thing happen, and I think this review justifies that to a certain extent. So:

If you scroll right down it says:

UM – Giraffe (refined)
Ascoltare – Fatty Parts For A Good Match
Split LP picture disk

Tripel 004
There should be more picture disks in the world. Firstly, they are just simply beautiful things. Secondly, it’s hard not to feel obliged to give a few listens to, before casting judgement on, a project that had probably broken the bank balances and intimate relationships of the small label managers involved. The stakes are high though; the release actually has to be rather good otherwise these wonderful artefacts that promise so much can be a crushing disappointment to the listener.
This one is a split LP released on the Cambridge’s Tripel label. This is their fourth release and the first one I have come across. UM’s side is song based and includes 15 aphoristic offerings. There is a cheap as chips MIDI instrument quality to a lot of the accompanying sound palate topped off with electronic tomato sauce noise flicked all over top. This filthy meal is completed with a flat as road kill, deadpan vocal delivery. My understanding is that these tracks are ‘refined’ versions of material that previously saw the light of day on several UM homemade CDR releases. Well, if you blinked and missed them, panic not because this here slab is the business. Charming and cool whilst refreshingly untrendy and lacking in art-core pose, the UM set rewards repeated listening with a wry smile. If you had a dream last night about Vivian Stanshall, Ian Dury and Syd Barrett in a Blackpool karaoke bar singing along to a skipping CDR packed full of Ceefax muzak, Volcano The Bear releases and BBC ‘Outer Space’ sound effects LPs this will bring total recall. If your sleep was not blessed by such visions eat more cheese before retiring is my advice.
Ascoltare’s side is a long overdue plunderphonic sideswipe at the all too ridiculous world of reality TV cooking. The plethora of cooking shows on our TVs treat the serous subject of food with the same sincerity and intellectual dexterity that teen pop treats love and relationships; they reflect a sugar coated reality that will never exist for the individual but one that the consumer must desire compulsively nonetheless. You too could cook like this if you had more time, money and stupid idle friends to notice or care. Consider the hyperreality of Gary Rhodes for example; I’m sorry but that man just does not eat all that butter.
As the Robert Mapplethorpe revealing the stamen of the phalocentic TV cook, Ascoltare brings out the latent sleazy eroticism of these shows thorough the manipulation of monologues by some of the worst offal. Keith Floyd, Rick Stein and Gordon Ramsey contribute word slops, mount the pillory and invite the peasants to throw their overpriced and unused putrid organics. Can you tell that I liked this side too? It’s noisy, irreverent, hilarious and remarkably well put together. It almost made me want to go back into the studio myself, but not quite.
For the DJs amongst you the Ascoltare side features bonus Gordon Ramsey insults for dropping into your mixes. These include the famous “its grim, its f***king grim” routine and the celebrated ‘20 hard-ons a day’ speech. The piscine theme established by the earlier recordings is somewhat abandoned here in favour of a warm gravy bath under in the grill light of pure obscenity. Buy this record before it fulfils its charity shop destiny. I didn’t write that. It’s in the press release. I rather wish I had though because it made me laugh and its very good advice.
Reviewed by Richard Whitelaw

Posted October 20, 2005 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

That does nearly pain like on the back gehts Ascoltare around Fish.   Leave a comment

This is a review from German net entity de:bug, presumably translated with Google translator and/or cut-up technique. There’s also another review here but it doesn’t really say anything that hasn’t been said elsewhere.

UM / Ascoltare
– giraffe (refined)/ Fatty parts For A Good match
Grandiose plate. Actually there is two albums. A
Picturedisc also still in addition. OVER sings. Much
and gladly, and so covered that one occasionally the
question place itself must, whether it still knows
where above and down is. Beats and sounds are
thoroughly consistently, Lyriks bad ear worms,
attitude unbeatably leave. That does nearly pain like
that bloed and funky is it, without one would ever
come on the thought differently than with a beer in
the hand to along-celebrate. You will already see. And
on the back gehts with Ascoltare around Fish.
Ausgiebigst. In all variants and other meal. That is a
whole attic full fish. Music of full attics.
Holzspielzeug, sheet metal toy and fish. That is
dragging along large cinema, with good appetite. I
stand on Ascoltare, always. With each plate on the
new, even if it is like here e.g. already again
completely different. Absolutely after-cook.

> Grandiose Platte. Eigentlich sind es zwei Alben.
> Eine Picturedisc
> auch noch obendrein. UM singt. Viel und gern, und so
> überzogen dass
> man sich gelegentlich die Frage stellen muss, ob er
> noch weiss wo
> oben und unten ist. Beats und Sounds sind durch und
> durch konsequent,
> Lyriks schlimme Ohrwürmer, Attitude unschlagbar
> lässig. Das tut fast
> weh so blöd und funky ist es, ohne dass man jemals
> auf den Gedanken
> kommen würde anders als mit einem Bier in der Hand
> mitzufeiern. Ihr
> werdet schon sehen. Und auf der Rückseite gehts bei
> Ascoltare um
> Fish. Ausgiebigst. In allen Varianten und anderes
> Essen. Das ist ein
> ganzer Dachboden voller Fisch. Musik voller
> Dachböden. Holzspielzeug,
> Blechspielzeug und Fisch. Das ist mitreissendes
> grosses Kino, mit
> gutem Appetit. Ich steh auf Ascoltare, immer. Mit
> jeder Platte aufs
> neue, auch wenn sie wie hier z.B. schon wieder ganz
> anders ist.
> Unbedingt nachkochen.
> bleed …..

Posted October 20, 2005 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

Watch out, he's loose!   Leave a comment

The above article informs the world that Jim O’Rourke has parted company with Sonic Youth. A statement released by the band and signed by Thurston Moore, Kim Gordon, Lee Ranaldo and the drummer says that first and foremost the reason for the split is that they were “sick of the sight of the cunt”. Elsewhere in the statement O’Rourke is characterised as “chubby,” “competitive,” and “annoying.”

Posted October 18, 2005 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

Jimmy The Flid says:   Leave a comment

This guy makes some thoughtful points:

Which sez:

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 6:46 pm

Artist: UM / Ascoltare Title: Picture Disk Label: Tripel Records Format: Vinyl A Side = UM – Giraffe (refined) B Side = Ascoltare – Fatty Parts For A Good Match

The UM side seems to be a collection of bizarre twisted made up songs from a man who could eigher be a genius of some pished up englishman who’s been at the buckie and started to freestyle strange stories to entertain his mates after a realy heavy night on the raz and his mates think he may have had enough so are trying to keep the buckie away from his grasping mits but he’s wrecked and dosnt notice his mates hoggin the fall down juice so he carries on regardless changing the whole song every so often to keep his mates from singing along with him cos he’s a loner and enjoys keeping a me and them feal to life as he dosent wont them to get to close to him incase they die and he’s left with the funeral expence to deal with and no one wonts that kinda pish but i think i must agree with ascoltare who thinks he’s a genius theres somthing special going on in that lads head and its probably best to let it out than allowing it to fester like a half drunk lager wich has been under your bed for 4months and you dont go near it as your skud mags are up the other end

and on the flip is ascoltare, its like david lynch, guy maddin, chris morris, accelera deck producing a radio version of those cooking shows wich are so good on a hung over saturday morning its one of those records that keeps me on my toes not from dancing but as soon as i sit down i keep thinking to my self, is that on at the right speed? ideal for the start of those haunting abstract mixes i enjoy so much this has that old lad, Rick Stein suddenly becoming realy menacing as he quizes some french/american lass what she makes of his cooking over random drones and sounds wich id guess were recorded and then fiddled with until the the creators girl freind walked out the flat as he realy wasnt helping her migrane as i watched tv last night i caught his show and noticed that he never actualy eats his own cooking fucks that all about? id love to see what Ascoltare could do with ready steady cook’s uber camp and yet married presenter why do grannys love camp characters on telly? the studio audiance is nearly all purple and orange rinsed coffin dodgers im sure the entire show id dubed later on as they cant pick up any one talking over the mass of sound of wurthers originals smacking off false teath This release is very much like eraserhead, not every one will like in fact its fucked but its also some thing rather special think random noises like being underground with a a strange gonzo muso singing spontanious songs and a huge plough wrecking the burrom you live in ala the rats of nimh while theres a electrical fly killing machine buzzing away as its in the middle of a giant wasp nest wich apeared one day after you had went on a bit of a bender and the tv had its ariel nicked but its the only source of light in the room so you leave it on well thats about it go buy it

Well, I’ve done three gigs with it in my bag and no-one’s bought one yet…

Tell you what though, we’re virtually running out of the Strange Lights 7″s, so it’s early days I guess. If you know anything about record collecting I’m sure you’ll be getting a bit sweaty and thinking about having a pop because there’s nothing rarer than a record that nobody bought in the first place.

Posted October 15, 2005 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized

Giving people choice.   Leave a comment

Since I’m the guy who has two of everything (well, more or less) I’ve created another blog for a laugh, and because I felt so lonely.

Posted October 13, 2005 by peteum2013 in Uncategorized