This diary isn’t meant to be some sort of clearing house for reviews of Tripel 004, but Dave did spend a ton of fucking money making the thing happen, and I think this review justifies that to a certain extent. So:
http://www.sonicartsnetwork.org/diffusion/diffusion_19_10_05.htm
If you scroll right down it says:
UM – Giraffe (refined)
Ascoltare – Fatty Parts For A Good Match
Split LP picture disk
Tripel 004 http://www.tripelrecords.com
There should be more picture disks in the world. Firstly, they are just simply beautiful things. Secondly, it’s hard not to feel obliged to give a few listens to, before casting judgement on, a project that had probably broken the bank balances and intimate relationships of the small label managers involved. The stakes are high though; the release actually has to be rather good otherwise these wonderful artefacts that promise so much can be a crushing disappointment to the listener.
This one is a split LP released on the Cambridge’s Tripel label. This is their fourth release and the first one I have come across. UM’s side is song based and includes 15 aphoristic offerings. There is a cheap as chips MIDI instrument quality to a lot of the accompanying sound palate topped off with electronic tomato sauce noise flicked all over top. This filthy meal is completed with a flat as road kill, deadpan vocal delivery. My understanding is that these tracks are ‘refined’ versions of material that previously saw the light of day on several UM homemade CDR releases. Well, if you blinked and missed them, panic not because this here slab is the business. Charming and cool whilst refreshingly untrendy and lacking in art-core pose, the UM set rewards repeated listening with a wry smile. If you had a dream last night about Vivian Stanshall, Ian Dury and Syd Barrett in a Blackpool karaoke bar singing along to a skipping CDR packed full of Ceefax muzak, Volcano The Bear releases and BBC ‘Outer Space’ sound effects LPs this will bring total recall. If your sleep was not blessed by such visions eat more cheese before retiring is my advice.
Ascoltare’s side is a long overdue plunderphonic sideswipe at the all too ridiculous world of reality TV cooking. The plethora of cooking shows on our TVs treat the serous subject of food with the same sincerity and intellectual dexterity that teen pop treats love and relationships; they reflect a sugar coated reality that will never exist for the individual but one that the consumer must desire compulsively nonetheless. You too could cook like this if you had more time, money and stupid idle friends to notice or care. Consider the hyperreality of Gary Rhodes for example; I’m sorry but that man just does not eat all that butter.
As the Robert Mapplethorpe revealing the stamen of the phalocentic TV cook, Ascoltare brings out the latent sleazy eroticism of these shows thorough the manipulation of monologues by some of the worst offal. Keith Floyd, Rick Stein and Gordon Ramsey contribute word slops, mount the pillory and invite the peasants to throw their overpriced and unused putrid organics. Can you tell that I liked this side too? It’s noisy, irreverent, hilarious and remarkably well put together. It almost made me want to go back into the studio myself, but not quite.
For the DJs amongst you the Ascoltare side features bonus Gordon Ramsey insults for dropping into your mixes. These include the famous “its grim, its f***king grim” routine and the celebrated ‘20 hard-ons a day’ speech. The piscine theme established by the earlier recordings is somewhat abandoned here in favour of a warm gravy bath under in the grill light of pure obscenity. Buy this record before it fulfils its charity shop destiny. I didn’t write that. It’s in the press release. I rather wish I had though because it made me laugh and its very good advice.
Reviewed by Richard Whitelaw
Static Grist 
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