Archive for the ‘old songs’ Category

Old Um song index.   Leave a comment

 Ages ago I made a list of Um songs. It wasn’t complete but it was probably 80% of the way there…

1.(A Wise Old Queen Once Said To Me) People Are Shits, Darling
2.(An Adolescence Spent Wasted On) Hot Knives & Prog Rock
3.(I Did Nothing But) I Listened (Hideously Distorted Mix)
4.(In Which) I Have A Horrible Dream
5.(On Any) Other Day
7.10:27 (Effects On Bass 2nd Mix)
8.1989 (Tonight I Wanna Party Like It’s)
11.3-Legged Race
12.57 Seconds Of Techno
13.8 Arg. Schizo Magnetics
14.8 People On The Phone
15.A Bad Debt
16.A Bad Time In The Sunshine
17.A Bargain
18.A Boogie Woogie Woogie
19.A Disc Of Flame
20.A Distorted Sense Of Cool
21.A Good Song
22.A Good Song, But A Slow Song
23.A Half-Remembered 70’s Childhood
24.A Lion Family In The Warm Evening Sun
25.A Little Much Apropos Of Nothing
26.A Little Nastiness
27.A Little Ship
28.A Little Westie
29.A Marriage (Made In Arbury)
30.A Matching Pair
31.A Mellow Moment
32.A Middle Class Revenge Tale
33.A Miniature Unhappiness
34.A Nice Day Like This (Fast)
35.A Nice Day Like This (Slow)
36.A Personal Revelation
37.A Quick Little Mulch
38.A Random Approach To Logic (Audio)
39.A Sample (For Later)
40.A Set Of Four Mark E Smiths
41.A Song For Working
42.A Stoned Jam With Some 16 Yr Olds
43.A Stray
44.A Terrible Shame (Bee’s Lament)
45.A Terrible Shame (Bees Lament – Experimental Version)
46.A Tickertape Parade In Your Womb, Baby
47.A Track Which Is Essentially Drums
48.A Walk Thru The Dark
49.A Welcome Rest From Being Normal
50.A Young Person And An Old Person
51.A.W.O.L Soul
53.Acid Nightwear
54.Acid Woman
55.Adrenalin Jazz
57.Agony Of Choice
58.Ain’t Got No Dildos
59.Ain’t Got No Style
61.Albatross Dub
62.Alien Crash Lands In Amazon
63.Alienated Like Pac-Man
64.All My Old Friends
65.All My Old Friends (Distorted Mix)
66.All Of A Sudden (I Shared His Infuriating Optomism)
67.All Of My Troubles Are Holding Me Down
68.All The Lonely Popstars
69.All Tight
71.Almost Like A Dog
72.Always Been The Same
73.Amalgam/Why I Didn’t Join Smegma
74.An Address To God
75.An Apology From The Artiste
76.An Hour (Typsically A Spoon)
77.An Invitation To Sign On (Baby Love)
78.Anarchist Shake
79.And He Never Recovered
80.And Jesus Shrugs His Shoulders
81.And Why Am I (The Techno Sound Of Sore Ribs)
82.Annoyed By Your Conception Of Culture
83.Annoyed By Your Slow Remix
85.Another Song I Don’t Remember Doing
86.Around The Harvest Moon
87.Artificial Disco
88.Artificial Disco (Pre Eq Reverb Mix)
89.As Baroque As The Average Sock
90.As Long As Everyone Is Grooving
91.At Last I Am The Unhappy Fool
92.Autumn Leaves (More Or Less Clean Mix)
93.Autumn Leaves (Severely Distorted Mix)
94.Autumn Leaves (Stupid Echo Mix)
95.Avaricious Micro-Funk
96.Awful, Muddy And Sad
97.B.PVC. S. (Reason To The Feet)
98.Baby Monkeys
99.Baby Pressure
100.Bad Day For Love
101.Bad Day For Love (Don’t Go Out)
102.Bad Trip
103.Bad Trip (Late Start Mix)
104.Badfinger (The Bob Song)
105.Ballad For The King
107.Bass Snippet
108.Beachy Head
109.Beautiful Scottish Chinese Girl
110.Beckett In The 80’s
111.Becoming And Unbecoming
112.Bee Excerpt
114.Being Aware (Cluttered Mix)
115.Being Aware (With Harvey Williams)
116.Bernard The Deserter
117.Better For A Setback
118.Better For A Setback (Fast)
120.Big Tits
121.Billy & The Snoot Monkeys
122.Binky Boo
123.Blair Cake Project
124.Bless My Soul
125.Blip Blop Pop
127.Bloodshot Eyes, Nothing To Say
128.Blue Balls
129.Blues Is Shit
130.Bob’s Hell Disco
131.Bobby’s Peanuts
132.Booze Is Shit
133.Bop Pop
134.Boring Sex Theme (The Inexplicable)
135.Born To Lose (Inst)
136.Bowel Kohl Chickie
137.Brain Cells
138.Brain In The Attic
139.Bread Dogs (Captian Beefheart’s Sarcophagus Continues On Its Astral Journey)
140.Breakbeat Nation
141.Brighton Rock
142.Brighton Rock (Remix)
144.British Meat Glows In The Dark
145.Broken Bottles (Shine A Light In The Night)
146.Bullshit Trespass
147.Bullshit Tresspass (Over Silence)
148.Burning Up Fuck All
149.Business Park
150.C’mon Doctor
151.Caked Kuntz!!
152.Camptown Races
153.Can You Feel It?!
154.Can’t Get Started
157.Career Guidance
161.Changing Gears (Fucked-Up Tape Mix)
162.Characters (Fast)
163.Characters (Normal)
165.Charmless Dub
166.Cheeky Dog (Pete ‘N’ Ed Drunk)
168.Chef’s Arse
170.Chris De Burgh Joins The Newmarket Public Library
172.Christmas ’75
173.Chrome Vagina (It’s Bad It’s Bad)
174.Cipher Dub
175.Circumstance (Random Noise Generator)
176.Clap Trap
178.Clean People (Of All Things)
179.Clever Clogs
181.Cling (First Mix)
182.Cokane (Rock/We Don’t Stop
183.Cold Forgotten
184.Cold Turkey
185.Combed My Head
186.Come To Bed
187.Come To Bed (DSE Mix)
188.Coming On Weak
189.Coming Up
190.Coming Up (Slower)
191.Commitment (The Song That Doesn’t Work)
192.Common Law Funk
193.Common Law Funk At Speed
194.Communication Breakdown
196.Computers Are Great
197.Confused Thing
198.Confuzed Society
199.Cool Little Torture
200.Co-Op 747
201.Crack Song
202.Crappy DAT Format
204.Crush Munkies
207.Cumine’s Patience
209.Curse The Lazy Air
212.Dallas Boner Remix
214.Das Monkeys
215.Days Of Our Lives
216.Daytime Television
217.Daytime Television (Fucked Up Files Mix)
218.Dead Dog On The Motorway
219.Death In Eastbourne
220.Death Song
221.Death Star
222.Death To False Plastic
223.Decadence & Puke
225.Decimate Me Faster!
226.Decreasing Returns
227.Depressed (Grinding Bastards Mix)
228.Depresseder Than Lou Reed
229.Der Systemm
230.Desert Droid
231.Desperate Days
232.Devils’ Claw (Pop: 15070)
233.Did I Ever Tell You
234.Die Softly And Wait
236.Disco Cunts Are Go!
237.Discretion Of The Judge
240.Do All Cats Go To Heaven When They Die?
241.Do What I Do Dub (NYE)
242.Do You Know What Evil Is?
243.Does The Sperm Know Fear In The Testes Sac (As The Mother And Father Make Love)?
244.Dog’s Song For Himself
245.Dogmonkey Fast
246.Dogs Muck
247.Dogs Speak English
248.Doing The Nasty In The Churchyard
250.Dole Brother
252.Don’t Answer The Phone
253.Don’t Be Cruel
254.Don’t Get Pissed
255.Donkey Rock!
257.Down In Our Mouths
258.Downhill/Beachy Head (Version)
260.Dream City (Vocals, No Vocals Mix)
261.Drifting Off The Edge Of The Map
263.Drugged Down Into The Mad
264.Drum & Bass
265.Drunken Shame
266.Dutch MTV Starwoman
267.East Anglia (Nosing With Their Tiny Little Teeth)
268.Easy Opportunity For Hostility To Arise
269.Eat The Fickle
271.Education (1st Mix)
272.Education (29 Minute Cosmic Mix)
273.Education (Ambient Trains Mix)
274.Education (Be Happy Mix)
275.Education (Mic Out The Window Mix)
276.Egyptians Laughing At You
277.Electric Child Of Suffolk (Ricky Howlett Birthday Song)
278.Electronic Healing (Following Cycle Accident)
281.Endless Pain
284.Every Night Ends Like This
285.Everybody’s Out To Get Me
286.Everything Is Fixed
287.Eveyones’s Got A Bit Of Latin In Them
289.Extreme Noise Narge
291.F.D.M. Time To Get A Job (Remix)
292.Face Of A Degenerate
294.Faffing ‘Cos You’re Heartbroken
295.Failure And How It Made Me
296.Failure, Depression, Madness (Time To Get A Job Unending Mix)
297.Family Of Noiz
298.Fancy Lady
300.Fast Little Train On Acid
301.Fat Fucking Freaks
302.Fear Jazz
303.Fen Bennie
304.Fiddley Ned
306.Fiesta! (Distorted Mix)
307.Fiesta! (Fast Instrumental)
308.Fiesta! (Instrumental)
309.Fiesta! (Slow Instrumental)
310.Fiesta! (V. Slow Echo Mix)
311.Filipino Whore
312.Flaps Receiving Action
313.Flipping Hell
314.Flipping Hell (Hideous Nihilist Version)
315.For All The Singers
316.For The Wilderness (20 Days & 20 Nights)
319.Forever An Amateur
321.Freedom 2b Free
322.Frog (Acceptable Mix)
323.Frog (Fast Tiger-Coaxing Stupidity Version)
324.Frog (Instrumental)
325.Frogs In A French Kitchen
326.Frozen Electronics
327.Fuck Me Johnny
328.Fuck On
329.Fuck Up
330.Funk Rat 1
331.Funny Time
332.Futility Rocks
333.Gary Doesn’t Live Here Any More
335.Generic Breakbeat Stoner Music
338.Get A Life
339.Ghost In The Machine
340.Ghost Pulse
341.Giant Killing
342.Give Me My Moment
343.Give The English More Violence
346.God Bless The Unemployed
347.God Song
349.Good Grief
351.Goodnight Sweetheart
354.Grey Lady Ice
355.Grown Up Wrong
356.Guess My Sex (Hip Whore)
357.Guitar Solo Expt.
358.Half Hour (I Wish I Went To Art School)
359.Half-Cut Aquabots
360.Hands In My Pockets
361.Happiness Is Sacred
362.Happy Families
363.Happy IT Professionals
364.Hard Drive (Crash Mix)
365.Hard Drive (Sweep Mix)
366.Hard Drive (Victory Mix)
367.Hard On In Lancey Street
369.Hardcore! (Chuckle Mix)
370.Harry Munny
371.Harry Munny Remix
372.Hate Week
373.Have You Ever Been Lonely?
374.Have You Ever Been Lonely? (Small Mix)
375.He May Be Dead But He’s Fast
376.Heavy Metal?
378.Hell Is Closed
379.Help! Let It Be Whole!
380.Hendrix At Home
381.Hendrix At Home (Uncut Vocals Mix)
382.Her Sass
383.Here Come The Cunty Boys
384.Here I Am
388.Hey You
390.His Dream Restaurant
391.His Infuriating Optimism
392.Hold Your Course
393.Holy Fire
396.Hostile Possibilities Remix Compressed
397.Hostile Possibilities Remix Slow
398.Hot And Sad
400.How Can I Work When The Phone Keeps Ringing?
401.How Flying Machines Have Changed Man’s Perspective Forever
402.How I Almost Bust My Microphone
403.How It Goes
406.Human Biology
407.Hungover Mistake
408.Hut Alarm
409.Hut Alarm (Gated Reverb Mix)
410.Hyperspeed Nutters Go Mental
411.I Am A Teenager
412.I Am Always Here (1st Mix)
413.I Am Always Here (Second Dumb Mix)
414.I Am In Love With Myself
415.I Can’t Even Begin
416.I Can’t Speak The Language Of Myself
417.I Don’t Hate You For Your Nastiness
418.I Don’t Know My Name
419.I Don’t Know My Name (Fast)
420.I Don’t Know My Name (Slow)
421.I Don’t Live Today
422.I Don’t Need It As Long As I Can See It
423.I Don’t Want To Be “Good”
424.I Get This Urge To Leave
425.I Love Jazz
426.I Love Little Moles
427.I Love You (But That’s Not Why I’m Singing This Song)
428.I Love You In Any Language (Late Night Desperation)
429.I Make Weird Music
430.I May Yet Live
431.I Must Remember That Last Time Is Going To Be The Last Time
432.I Need A Special One
433.I Only Want To Do My Style
434.I Ran Out Of Fuel
435.I Really Ought To Take Myself In Hand
436.I Want To Wear My New Shoes In Bed
437.I Was Too Caned To Talk To Your Mum
438.I Wish I Had New Ears
439.I Wish That Wolves Still Roamed
440.I’m A Hard Man
441.I’m A Loser
442.I’m Bored Of This Party
443.I’m Bored Of This Party (Instrumental)
444.I’m Crazy
445.I’m Far Too Cool To Work
446.I’m Like You
447.I’m Not OK (Fast)
448.I’m Not Ok (Slow)
449.I’m The Son Of
450.I’m The Son Of (Fast)
451.I’m Too Short (The Truth Will Stay In Tonight)
452.I’m Very Depressed
453.I’ve Lost My Faith (Rock ‘N’ Roll Is Boring)
454.If It Gets Any Worse Then Just Stop
455.If They Think They Have Me Beat
456.If They Think They Have Me Beat (Slow)
457.If You Knew Where You Were
458.Impington (A Call From Art)
459.Improptu Weirdness
460.Improvisation For A Friend
461.In The Doghouse
462.In The Summertime In England
463.Incidental Bins
465.Inevitable Drinking Scenarios
466.Inn Sign Swing
468.Insect Bordello
469.Interrupted Cleverness
470.Interrupted Dead Fish
473.Is Your Cock Happy Now Sir?
475.It Doesn’t Take A Man To Understand
476.It Is Me (Distortion Mix)
477.It Used To Be Better (Me Old Boys)
478.It’s A Beautiful Noise
479.It’s A Funny Time
480.It’s Not Too Late For Me To Go
481.It’s Time To Get A Job
482.Je Ne Sais Quoi
483.Jesus & The Germans
484.Jesus Was A Pro
485.Jesus’ Blood (Glockenspiel Mix)
486.Jesus’ Blood (Truly, Madly, Deeply Unhappy)
488.Jobseeker (Daft Cunt)
490.Journey To The Moon
491.Jungle James
492.Just Like Kurt
493.Just When You Think You’re Getting Somewhere
495.Kawai Rain Temple
497.Killer Sound
498.Know Thine Enemy
499.Kold Sun
500.Kool Star (Hidden Vocal Mix)
501.Kool Star (Phone Mix)
502.Kool Star (Vocals Mix)
504.L.S.D Know The Score
505.La La Larry
506.La Niz Track
507.La Pissyfreak
508.Ladies (Kill Yourself Music)
509.Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Driving Through London/Please Look At The Job Boards
510.Ladies Dub
511.Lancey Street
512.Lancey Street Remix
514.Landfish (Pristine Mix)
515.Large Mexican Aliens (Slow)
517.Last Second Of The Year (Fast)
518.Last Song I Ever Did In Cubase
519.Lay Down, Lay Down
520.Le Misery
521.Leader With The Wrong Chains On
522.Leaf Green, Cliff Richard, Friendly Ladies
523.Leak (What Hath God…)
526.Less Is More
527.Let Michael Enter
528.Let’s Crack On
529.Let’s Drown
530.Let’s Get To Business
532.Life Is A Laugh (Short & Proper Mix)
533.Life Is A Laugh (Slow Mix)
534.Life Is Short, Life Is Long
535.Life’s For Living, Death’s For Being Dead
538.Little Ant
539.Little Fark
540.Little Jonah
541.Little Secrets In Reverse
542.Live A Little
543.Live Without Yr Dreams
544.Livin’ In The City
545.Living Each Day At A Time (Edit)
546.Living In A New Place Is Impossible
547.Living Well And Good
548.Local Boy
549.Long Drone From Nowhere
550.Looking At The Future (Corporate Dictatorship)
551.Love A’ Gonna Do It
552.Love Can Do It To You
553.Love Is A System (Delicious Mix)
554.Love Is Everywhere (Except In My Head)
555.Love Is Like An Angel (Eyore Mix)
556.Love Is Like An Angel (Passing Over All These Evil Energies I Have)
558.Lucky Star
559.Lucy Waits, And She Don’t Care
561.Magick Boots
562.Mahavishnu Phil Fisher
563.Make It
564.Male And Female Guitar
565.Male Thought Process
566.Malfunction (On Alcohol)
567.Mating (Slack Occasion)
568.Maytime (Slow Pointless Mix)
569.Me And Barkly On The Roof Of The JCB
570.Me And You
571.Mice Livin’ In The City
572.Mice Pleasures
575.Millenium Daftness
576.Minimal Skirt
577.MOMmed Live A Little
578.MOMmed The Crasher
579.Money In My Shoes
580.Monkey Tree/UTC Peacekeeper
582.Moonflesh/Family Of Noiz
583.Mother O
584.Mother O (Second Mix)
585.Mouse Out-Take
586.Mrs. Bovary
587.Mulch Song
588.Mulch Song 2 (You)
590.Mushrooms, Alcohol, Reverb
591.Music For Adverts
592.Music For One Cd Player (Trussed Yaks)
593.Music For Pleasure
594.Must Have Met My Love (Fucked-Up Mix)
595.My Beautiful Liver
596.My Beautiful Slow Caking Liver
597.My Ever-Changing Moods
598.My Glorious Unhappiness
599.My Greek Ballet Guinea-Pig
600.My Lords, Ladies And Men
601.My Love Is Such A Waste Of Time
602.My Mind Must Shine
603.My Moth Is A Mouth
604.My Moth Is A Mouth (Fast)
605.My Mother’s Boyfriend’s 4-Track (Making Noise Quietly)
606.My Muse Done Left Me And I Don’t Give A Fuck
607.My Name Is Monkey
608.My Quicked-Up Liver
609.My Treasured Sense Of Failure
610.Mystery Hard-Disk Drone
611.Naïve Techno
612.Nasty Drunk Welsh Wales
613.Nausea (Fiesta! Version)
614.Needlenose (Untamed Mix)
615.Neptune’s Chains
616.Never Work (Unless You Have To)
617.New Hat
618.New Year’s Eve Epic
619.Newspaper (My Heart Feels Like A Pair Of Shoes)
620.Nice Chains
621.Night Of The Living Dead Breakdancers
622.Nine Inch Snails
623.Nippy Slayer
624.Nippy Slayer
625.No Matter What You Tell Me
626.No Really, I’m Fine
627.No Stylophone Mother
629.Now That’s What I Call Hardcore
630.Number Two
632.O My Spanish Love (Fast)
633.O My Spanish Love (Normal)
634.O My Spanish Love!
635.Oh Angela
636.Oh My Goodness
637.Oh Woe
638.Oh Yeah
639.Oh Yup Yup
640.Old Man Looking At A Fat Girl’s Legs
641.One More Song
642.One More Song 2
643.One-Two Fuck-You
644.Oscar Little Train
645.Our Beleaguered Royal Family
646.Our Dog Is Dead (Show Me The Range Rover)
647.Our Perfect Moment
648.Our Price
649.Outward Journeys (Curteiled Edit)
651.P.G Theme (Shite)
652.Paddling In Shallow Disaster
653.Pangs (Pastorale 4)
654.Panic Attack
656.Paperman At Play
657.Paperman Fast
658.Paranormal Wales
659.Party Music
661.People Call It Dope
662.People Call It Dope (Fast)
663.People Don’t Listen To Your Lyrics
664.People Need Metal
665.Perhaps I Should Be…
666.Persecution Complex
668.Pete ‘N’ Rob Remixed (Jones Fuckup)
669.Peter Gregory Theme
670.Peter Gregory: Rock Warrior
671.Peter Pop And Rob G Jamming Like The Rock Dogs They Are
672.Pick It Up Peter
673.Pigs By Me
675.Pioneer (Long Stupid Mix)
676.Pioneer (Long, Fucked-Up Mix)
677.Pioneer (Stereo Spread Mix)
678.Pissabout One
679.Pissed-Up Regret Song
680.Pissyfreak Pitched
681.Pitchee Little Train
682.Pixellated Idle Days
683.Plaster Saint (If I Was Midge Ure)
684.Plooty (Molepolole)
685.Plucky Little Train
686.Plucky Train (Sad Day)
687.Pointless Interlude
688.Pop Music
689.Pop Music (Why Am I Here)?
690.Posse In A Fat Man
693.Practical Attitude Adjustment Plan
694.Pressure On My Precious
699.Pussface/Mortal Jim Reeves
701.Put Together
702.Pvc Song For The Ex’s New Son
703.Pygmy Song
704.Quck Simple Song
707.Radio Inactivity
708.Radio Intro – When It Comes To Art
710.Rake Dub
711.Rat Race In Reverse
713.Ratfunk 2
714.Real Drill & Bass (Bass Unavailable)
715.Real Drill (And Bass)
717.Red Dog Dodger
719.Regarding Sex
721.Repetition (Ain’t All Its Cracked Up To Be)
722.Rich Got Scabies
723.Richard Brown
725.Rinsed (2nd Mix)
726.Rock It (180 BPM Mix)
727.Rock It (Pointless Ambient Mix)
728.Rock Me Like A Bag
730.Rub You In The Dirt
731.Run To Remember
732.Run To Remember/Last Time The Last Time
733.Sad Robots (Quick, I’m Off Down The Pub Mix)
736.Saner Comma Cain
737.Satanic Interlude
738.Save The Last Dance For Me
739.Sayonara (Don’t Belong To You)
740.Scaler Twolast – Veins (Jagging)
744.Sea Shanty
745.Secrets In Reverse
746.See The Monkey Get Hurt
747.See The Monkey Get Hurt (Full On Mix)
748.Seeing Her Off
749.Sell-Out Beats
750.September Song
751.Servile Civis
752.Shallow Reports
753.Shame Theme
754.Shared House
755.Shared House Mix
756.She Made Dent A Dying Doctor
757.Shit At Sport
758.Shit Happens
760.Shrunk Planet
761.Shut My Face (Endless Mix)
762.Shut My Face (Truncated Mix)
763.Sick And Ill And Feverish
764.Silly Popstar Wanker
767.Simmer (Final Long Ambient Mix)
768.Simmer (First Mix)
769.Simple Pleasures
771.Sin (2nd Mix – Some Vocals, Some Bass Distorted)
772.Sin I’m In
773.Singalonga Blood Corpuscle
774.Singers Are Wankers
775.Sinister Beatbox
776.Sink, Dive, Freeze
777.Sinster Miniature
778.Skag Monkeys
781.Sketches Of Pain
782.Skuffo Geig
784.Slow Donkey Element
785.Slow Monkeys
786.Slow Secrets In Reverse
787.Sluggish Blood
788.Small Mexican Aliens (Fast)
793.So Many Things (I Would Have Done)
794.So Pained
795.So They Administered Drugs To Control His State Of Mind
796.So We’ll Go No More A’ Roving
799.Some Kind Of Weird Funk
800.Some Music, Basically
801.Some Scrapie Crash Thing
802.Someone Left The Machines On
803.Son Of A Gun
804.Song For Robert (Not Rob G)
805.Song For The Ex’s New Baby (Normal)
806.Soon I Promise
807.Sorrow For One Who Did Not Give A Shit
808.Sorry About Last Night
809.Soul In My Pocket
810.Soul Shoes
811.Sound Memory
812.Soviet Mofos
813.Spanish Richard
814.Spare Love Song (Baby Song)
815.Spasm Chasm
816.Spee (Fast)
817.Spee (Normal)
819.Spiders Inside Us
820.Spinning Thru Yr Mind
822.Spoilsport Sam
823.Spready Reggae (We Start Alone)
825.Squibbler/The Bee Is Me
827.St. John’s Techno
829.Standard Dictionary Of Sadness
830.Stardom Is My Birthright
831.Staring Into Thin Air
833.Stay Hungry (Initail Mix)
834.Stay On Grey
835.Still (All My Addresses)
836.Still Trying To Be More Like People Like Us
837.Stoopid Song
838.Stop Pissing Around (Fast)
839.Stop Pissing Around (Slow)
840.Strange Line
841.Stress Is Fun
842.Stuck In A Cool Scene
843.Stupid, Stupid Love
844.Styx Rowboat Song
845.Subliminal Um Mantra
846.Suffering (Blank, Hating, Moonstruck)
847.Supernatural Crash
849.Sweet Empress
850.Take Your Mind Off
851.Ted Turner Vs. Jane Fonda
852.Telling Lies To The Monkey Inspector
853.Temple Gongs
854.The 9 To 5
855.The Amnion
856.The Amusements
857.The Angel Of Darkness
858.The Association Of Old Women From The North Of England
859.The Atomic Bomb
860.The Beans Of Production
861.The Bedpan
862.The Bee Is Him (My Brother)
863.The Bender
864.The Benefit Of The People (Click Mix)
865.The Biological Brothers
866.The Bodies Were Found At The Cocacabana
867.The Bugger
868.The Bumpy Road
869.The Bumpy Road (2nd Mix)
870.The City Doesn’t Care If You’re Falling Asleep
871.The Clanker
872.The Complete Journeys Of Jonah
873.The Crasher
874.The Devil Laughs To See Me Mope About
875.The Discretion Of The Judge Will Remain
876.The Drunken Sound Of A Funky Man
877.The Durham Ox (2nd Mix – More Drums)
878.The Eclipse
879.The Elephant Of Sadness
880.The End
881.The End Of A Relationship And The Beginning Of A Nervous Breakdown
882.The Enormous Invisble Sound System
883.The Exceptionally Fast Bob
884.The First Great Crap Song
885.The Garden Is An Absolute Jungle
886.The German People
887.The Glamorous Life Of An Alcoholic
888.The Gregory Singers
889.The Hilton Fuck-Up
890.The Holes
891.The Host
892.The House Is Shit And Cold Pts 1 & 2
893.The Human Species
894.The Hungover Monkey
895.The Inevitable
896.The Last Second Of The Year
897.The Last Song I Ever Did In Cubase
898.The Last Thing The World Needs Is Another DJ
899.The Last Thing The World Needs Is Another DJ (Bad Mix Mix)
900.The Last Thing You Need Is A Good Plan
901.The Little Monkeys Were So Sure
902.The Mad Scientist (Who Invented White People)
903.The Messenger
904.The Mighty Remix
905.The Mighty Suburbs
906.The Miner’s Strike
907.The Mistaken
908.The Monkeys Were So Sure
909.The Moron’s Tragedy
910.The Most Incredible Sound I’ll Ever See (Jazzing With My Mind)
911.The Mouse Song
912.The Musician
913.The Mysterious Urinator
914.The Mysterious Urinator/I Don’t Know My Name (Fast)
915.The Neurotic
916.The Nobility In Narcotics
917.The Obvious Disease
918.The Obvious Disease In Dub
919.The Only Way Is Up
920.The Package
921.The Passion Of Richard Rippin (Here We Are Again)
922.The Path That Runs Through My Head Leads To The Dole Office
923.The Pianoman
924.The Proof Is In The Bullshit
925.The Punisher
926.The Refined Fuckwit
927.The Relentlessness
928.The Reply
929.The Restaurant Of His Nightmares
930.The Same Cause
931.The Scientists
932.The Sludgers Encounter A Problem
933.The Smits
934.The Sneak
935.The Solace Afforded By A Comfortless Place
936.The Sound Of The Machines That We Use To Make Our Music
937.The Sound Of Weasels
938.The Stroker
939.The Stroker (Oscar Version)
940.The Swelling Of Confusion
941.The Techno Sound Of Sore Ribs
942.The Terrible Dogmonkey
943.The Torment Of St. Pete (Basic Mix)
944.The Trouble With Having A Dream
945.The U.K Marketplace
946.The Voyeur
947.The Way America Was Born And The Way It Was Meant To Be
948.The Willow Animal & Its Origins
949.The Word Is Out (Finnish Forest
950.Theme For A Fool
951.Theme For A Fucked-Up State Of Mind
952.Theme For A Skateboard Accident
953.Theme For A Small Japanese Electronic Device
954.Theme For A Young Black Alien Christ
955.Theme For Something That Happened Rather Too Quickly
956.There Goes My Pop Career
957.There Is No Excuse In A World Grown Sick Of Excuses
958.There’s A Book On Contemporary Art I Never Read
959.Never Read
960.These Days Mulch
961.They’ve Got The Guns, We’ve Got The Drugs
962.This Dreadful Life
963.This Is How I Feel
964.This Is The Remix They Also Used To Funk To
965.This Is The Sound Of Me Slowly Becoming An Artist In Mor
966.This Is The Sound They Used To Funk To
967.This Is The Way We Do It
968.This Is Wrong
969.This Morning (And Every Other Fucking Morning)
970.This Will Sort Out The Boys Who Like This Sort Of Thing From The Other Boys
971.Those Days
972.Throwing Sevens
973.Tickling The Anus (Scenarios)
974.Till The Break Of Dawn (Fast)
975.Till The Break Of Dawn (Normal)
976.Time Has Ended, That’s It (Short Mix)
977.Time Laspse Leeds At Night
978.Tin Can Jams
979.To Attack Or To Decay, That Is The Question
980.To Have Push
981.To Shape My Life
982.To Shape My Life (Final Mix)
983.To Try And Make It Alright
984.Toby Mills Birthday Song
985.Toby’s Loop
986.Tony Blair
987.Too English (Friday 13th)
988.Too Much Of A Shit Thing
989.Tortoise Race
991.Trash My Hate
993.Tricky Type
994.Trying To Be More Like People Like Us
995.Turned Against Oneself
996.Turned Against Oneself (The Inexplicable)
997.Twice Shy
999.Two Hearts In Stereo
1000.Two Songs That Got Mixed Up
1001.Uh…What’s That?
1002.Um Intro Tune
1003.Um Mania
1004.Um Mania Turns Nasty
1005.Um Manifesto
1006.Under The Tundra
1007.Under Water (Underwater Mix)
1008.Underwater (Sir Nose Mix)
1009.Underwater 2
1010.Unemployment Rock
1012.Uninterrupted Dead Fish
1014.Untitled (Sear)
1016.Very Bad Karma
1017.Very Drunk, Tired, & Melancholic
1018.Vexation In The Sludge
1021.Walter Bison, Terry Biscuits
1022.Walter Bison, Terry Biscuits (90 Seconds Version)
1023.Walter Bison, Terry Biscuits (Fast)
1024.Want It
1025.Washington (A New Little Mulching)
1027.We All Stuck Together In The War
1028.We Are Mice
1029.We Are The Fuckers
1030.We Are The Ones
1031.We’re Gonna Have A Real Cool Time Tonight
1032.We’re Gonna Have A Real Cool Time Tonight (Fast)
1033.We’re Gonna Have A Real Cool Time Tonight (Slow)
1034.Welcome Children
1035.Welsh Wales
1036.What Am I Supposed To Do?
1037.What Is Art, After All?
1038.What? (Shit Instrumental Mix)
1039.What’s The Point?
1040.When Your Teeth Stop Grinding And It’s 7AM
1041.Where Am I
1042.Where Did You Sleep Last Night
1043.Where Did Your Youth Go (Andy Matthew’s Birthday Song)
1044.Where Does Religion Come From?
1045.Where Is My Motivation
1046.Where Is The Proof That I Am Not Mad
1047.Who Can Kool My Head?
1048.Who Puts The Nastiness In People?
1049.Why Are We Living (In A World So Cruel)?
1050.Why Does Your Mother Cry?
1051.Why I Hate The Theatre
1052.Why My Art Will Forever Remain Untainted By Economic Considerations
1054.Wilderness In Reverse
1056.Windhoek (Everyone’s A Fool Mix)
1058.Women’s Knows
1059.Work (Tweaked Mix)
1060.Work Makes You Free
1061.Working And Not Working
1062.Working At Home
1063.World War One
1064.Worm Brain (Rob Gregory B. 1981)
1065.Worse For Wear On New Year’s Eve
1067.Wunder Why
1068.Ya Buzzer
1069.Ya Want Some?
1070.Ya Want Some? (Dumb Reversed Version)
1072.Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
1073.You Are Stuck Inside Yourself
1074.You Have To Learn How To Act
1075.You Were Not The One That We Called Real
1076.You Will Like Me (Crawling Death Dub Mix)
1077.You Will Like Me (Nippy Ska Version)
1078.You Will Like Me (Nippy Version)
1079.You Will Like Me (Space Dub Version)
1080.You Will Never Let Me Fall
1081.You Will Never Let Me Fall (Slow)
1082.You’re Dead And I Feel Like Paul Mccartney
1083.Your Feelings Are Your Clothes
1084.Your Morning Has Come
1085.Yow Dow Da Da
1086.Yr Indie-Mom (With Badger Mayhem)

Posted August 2, 2009 by peteum2013 in grist, old songs, pete um, umbusiness

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Lone Stromblone review of some Um works (old news)   Leave a comment

Just found this in an old folder. Never even met this chap but I was extremely grateful when he wrote this stuff.

 Review: Um, “The Old Album”, “The New Album”, “Giraffe”.


Feeling a bit mad? Why not push your luck and optimise the state with some “UM” therapy? Treat your self to the black hilarity of this festival of intrepid linguistrobatics and exploratory solitude. One day, you’ll be out on a flimsy limb. After all, in the end, we are all alone.

Best prepare. Let Um take you there.

Strategy 1. “The Old Album”.
Not desperately old at all, (no date supplied in the sleeve notes, but suspected to have been created in 2002) this collection remains, to my ears, ever as fresh as a daisy-fed spring chicken. Comprising twenty-six works and no space fillers, deftly straddling the gulf between high art and low doggerel, “The Old Album” proffers a wealth of compelling and original lyrical content and poetry. Encircling the lost and subtle concerns of a life spent in too much thinking, the vocal element is set to noises which one can only describe as music, while knowing this biscuit-tin terminology to give cruel short shrift to the nature of the sweetmeats therein contained. The works of “Um” will touch the heart, soul and moist, dark, private corners of anybody who has been all the way out there and plans never to return (should they find themselves fortunate enough to have retained a modicum of volition).

Sonically singular, audibly angular, Pete Um and his associates meticulously dismember and reduce the status quo into “Status: Question”, leaving no turn unstoned. Drawing on an apparently endless variety of voices, Um’s choice of subject matter has a limitless span.

“Pathological Abstention” opens with a philosophical monologue in a Dickensian style, whether originally the product of Dickens, Um or of some other source, I cannot say. The skilled, thespian delivery of this Crowleyan imperative relates to the facing of fear, and to the importance of following one’s own path. It reveals a further taught string to Um’s bow, and a further demonstration of the philosophy of the way of Um:

“…..Only a little extra effort is required of you,
And you can travel again, soon,
This time under your own flag,
And all the better to stick your dread animal in the eye,
And to come full circle,
And understand the meaning in the pattern of the footsteps.”

The backing music to these works stands largely at the front, and comprises a rich feast of the unexpected and peculiar. Layer upon layer of interspersed sonic bites of the world, the mechanical, the bestial and the interminable take turns to leap to stage-front, each adorned with eclectic companions, each group elbowing it’s predecessor into the wings. The lyrics cascade, prolific and pregnant, pungent and palpitating. The result, rhythmic yet frantic, bassy yet jangling and fractious, evokes exposure to a storm of bomb-shattered chandeliers while floundering to break to the surface in an ocean of tepid porridge, laced with Tabasco and scotch bonnet peppers. Tasty, exhilarating and very,
very odd.

Generous with treats and of surprises, “The Old Album” leaves one no longer able to acknowledge former concepts of satisfaction. New needs have been born, goalposts have moved. The record and CD purchases of decades find themselves carted to multi-storey car parks and playing fields on Sunday mornings, for humane destruction via car boot sales, their contents no longer pertinent in this brave new world of blissful uncertainty.

Strategy 2. “The New Album”.
With no consideration for conventions of a musical, social or any other variety, Um forges on into further dark corners of the human psyche. Many undiscovered clefts await the disruptive illumination of this Promethean mischief maker, a true Lucifer, a bringer of light into the musical pantheon. Western humanity, should it be blessed to peek behind the veil of Um-ness, may lose all will to continue in the unthinking consumption and acquisition of prestige kitchens, cars and canned convenience comestibles.

I don’t know what the Cambridge Borough Council adds to it’s local water supply, but Pete Um has drunk his fill, and gone back for seconds, to return puddinged out, to “normal life”, wearing multicoloured fly’s eye spectacles, controversial, contraventional, contrapuntal, and deep as fuck.

The sounds and substance in these pieces have been drawn from sources often left wisely undisturbed, for fear of the legs, wings and mandibles threatening to lash out, to ensnare, usurp and corrupt reason itself. These recordings manage to appear, at times deceptively sweet and homely, suddenly flipping into the utterly, gigglingly, insane or paranoid, threatening the very foundations of reason, logic and stability. I rather doubt that Cliff Richard would approve, let alone Anne Widdecombe (together they’d surely make a lovely couple, some very scary noises, and a fearsome offspring).

This second CD contains twenty-five pieces, all equally ground breaking as those of its predecessor. The breadth of subject matter has expanded yet further, and the range of approaches to delivering Um’s infernal anti-doctrine has broadened in proportion. Everything else is deliciously out of proportion. If you have yet to expand your mind, I am confident that Um can assist you considerably in this quest. In the words of some other committed space explorer “When a man goes to the moon and back and can say that it didn’t affect his life, well…..he must have been looking the other way”. Stand by to repel all boredom. Fuzzy redheads will never appear the same to you again.


Strategy 3. “Giraffe”.
Pete Um’s latest offering was eagerly awaited, and once received, reached all the parts missed or scorned by the other two albums. This time we are treated to no less than thirty-two phyla of this rare genus. Many Giraffe-related etymological and biological questions, toward which my limited private library failed even to lean, have been answered for me by the sleeve notes. We could all learn a lot from the Giraffe.

Each track is enigmatically subtitled, with the sleeve notes offering some interpretation. Many mysteries remain, teasing the brain with modes of possible meaning. Tense and frantic, Um spins out lyrics in a quasi-familiar language, twisted and morphed via a hall of wavy, fractured mirrors, “I sit in a furnace, abusing my buggins, scaring myself, with the power of the biro”, from “Too Old For Sports (ginners)”, and from “A Last Blast (snarp)”, the linguistic impishness continues with “Let’s quit Sodom……(or perhaps “Lets quit, sod ’em”?)..we’ll go tomorrah”. This linguistic fecundity, coupled with Pete’s dry, straight-faced delivery, yields gems like “You may take your time like the cow you are, but you make sweet milk with your guitar.” from “Ghost (mutter)”.

May those who consider themselves sane be compelled to look long and hard into the abyss of their sham comforts and curios. May they gasp in horror as they glimpse the insubstantial nature of their worldly props. All that went before is now unworthy of it’s having gone-ness (excluding “The New” and “The Old” albums, naturally).

“Giraffe”, predictable only in it’s family resemblance to the unmistakable style of the previous collections, supports my opinion that Pete can write a highly entertaining lyric about anything, and can hang anything he produces, securely, onto a sonic backdrop which supports, lifts and separates, and crosses the heart and mind of the listener in all directions.

His unparalleled and ruthless play-tech style continues to hound the wibbly-wobbly world of the Blair establishment, confounds the inherited wisdom of musical production and not only pushes the envelope of sonic and literary creativity, but seals it, pops a stamp on it, and recklessly entrusts it to the rigours of our ever-dubious postal services, all the way to the primary portals of our squishy brains and our flimsy domiciles.


Strategy 4. “The Unholy Trinity?”.
For reasons too convoluted to be expanded upon, I have experimented with playing both “Giraffe” and “The Old Album” simultaneously, with results which impressively augmented the affects of entertainment and pleasure herein aforementioned. Both albums were left to cycle for several hours, thus varying their points of overlap for each cycle. I honestly could not detect the join, and the two productions did not interfere with each other in any way, merely mating with unnatural vigour, to produce a new, improved Child Of Hades, more potent than even the aforementioned spawn of the abysmal “Richard & Widdecombe” combo.

I wonder if Pete Um can be tempted to release an “Unholy Trinity” comprised of all three albums re-mastered in “overlap” mode, for the more discerning, or terminally unbalanced among us?

In spite of Pete’s plethora of sleeve notes, appended to each release, I cannot claim to understand entirely where Um is coming from. I have a strange intuition that I must have spent some time there, and may be going again one day. Those who are bold enough to make a purchase on the strength of this review, and find themselves baffled upon receipt of the goods, will be well on the way to a revelation, and must buy more for true clarity. Those who make a purchase and find themselves irreparably disappointed can just lament the fact that they are sorely missing out on something very special. Nothing and no-one is immune to Um’s slash and burn treatment, and may we give thanks for the last remaining vestiges of liberty enjoyed by Britains creative community. Pull up a flagstone outside your home and plant something there.

Grist Podcasts.   Leave a comment

Poptones/Careering   Leave a comment


My man Simon Doling just linked this for my attention. I was trying to write a comment underneath but my thoughts spiralled a bit too far. First off I started thinking about just how cool a clip it was, and what a cool and brave thing Lydon does here, and how it feels like he’s somehow mashing the future together with the past to tell the present to hurry up, whilst similtaneously burying other pasts, the ex-Johnny Rotten in a white suit getting black kids to dance to that funky, dubby bass. How he somehow got to play Doctor Who twice by being a poster-boy for punk and for post-punk. All the stuff you know or should know about the story of Johnny Rotten. All the stuff that kind of makes it a shame that he’s always been a tosser who now sells butter. Then I started thinking about the impossibility of something like the two worlds in the clip ever meeting in this day and age, some modern equivalent of the harsh, dirgey doom disco with Lydon’s discomforting warble of a dead, bored soul car-crashing into the wholesome generic teen TV rave-up show complete with cluelessly bland, cheesy shithead older-dude presenter, and I found myself grateful once again for the YouTube miracle. The miracle that happens over and over whenever someone sends you one of these links, or whenever your stoned fingers manage to type in “Can” or “The Monks” or “Funkadelic” or whatever. I felt grateful that I live in an age where these lost cultural antiquities of the past can suddenly be manifested for my private asessment, enjoyment or education at the touch of some buttons. It also gives me pleasure to think that those artists who did that cool thing once in a certain place at a certain time will eventually get their kudos from a wider audience, because that feels righteous. It nourishes the thing inside me that often feels like a bitter lie, the idea that you hold onto the faith, you keep your dreams. Furthermore it should engender a sense that, as long as that all-important recording is made (and not lost), it is worth doing that thing you do, and getting that jam tight, that joke right, that little step to the left… right.
But then, because, like any decent object of aesthetic appreciation, this YouTube clip of Public Image Ltd performing in the Spring of the first year of a new decade of what would become 1980s America, has, of course, a multiplicity of possible meanings and interpretations, and I started to think about it in another way. Because, in a sense, both of the worlds are now as dead and gone as each other. That door we see John Lydon kicking in has gone, and so has John himself. They cancelled each other out. That show would never happen any more. John’s a celebrity, get him out of here. But… I’m floundering here. I guess I’m trying to say that that piece of footage, fittingly for Lydon’s oeuvre, contains the seeds of its own demise. Lydon senses the stillborn thing that the show’s format will produce – a mimed performance to a seated audience, and lays waste to it in a classic act of creative destruction. Good old Johnny, he always wants to destroy. A great moment, very cool, captured forever on YouTube, possibly. But, and there are many reasons for this, that moment will never happen again. Shit, if I was getting paid for this instead of sciatica or whatever it is that’s making my right leg hurt like hell then I’d bother to get this right, or buy another chair or something. But yeah, every time that clip is seen it makes the possibility of the kind of sabotage or detournement or sheer spontaneous fuck-youness of the type John Lydon gets away with a little bit less likely, partly because they wouldn’t let you get away with it, and partly because it’s so been done. I mean, people can and probably will try and do that type of thing, but they’ll probably have something like this in mind, and, even if other people write about it like it meant something and still more fools believe them, it didn’t. Those worlds are mutually exclusive now, and it doesn’t matter if you’re holding up a banner in the American Idol audience or punching your fist in the air at a Wolf Eyes gig. Those days are over.
Hmm, that kind of unravels as it goes along doesn’t it?

Pete Um & Man From Uranus Live in Switzerland 2003   Leave a comment

Been capturing, rendering and uploading like some kind of unemployed motherfucker over the past few days, so I thought I would draw attention to some of the slightly over-ripe fruits of my dubious labours. To wit, as above, the gig Phil and I played with Brain Of Morbius in Bern in September of 2003. I wrote about the short trip at length here. Make sure you read the three posts after that one too. Well, you don’t have to, but you know what I mean.

I’ll post some video stills next but Firefox is giving me voodoo so I can’t do it on this post.

It must be great to be in Ween.   Leave a comment

Me and Dave and Bobby return to this one again and again due to its kind of effortlessly silly transcendent beauty. Apparently they were really caned.

Posted March 30, 2009 by peteum2013 in old songs, pete um

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Microscopic God   Leave a comment

Lyrics to an old song:
Because the microscopic lord’s in the mouse
Because the omnipresent game is what’s about
Because the dust in the bricks of your house
Is a piece of God that waits while you are out
Because the spit on the tongue of a dog
Even the poison in the rain forest frog
Are fractions of a good and natural God
Even the shit upon the drug dealer’s shoes
And the crack that he sells to the youth
Are a section of a universal truth
It’s a section of a universal truth

Seems respectful, but a bit cheeky at the same time.

I’m not religious innit? I’m an existential comedy shaman, but I keep an open mind. The purest expression of skepticism is to believe that anything might be possible. When people say there is no God it sounds like vanity to me, or hubris as Richard Brown used to say in his Suffolk accent. But when people talk about their God it sounds like mumbo-jumbo.

I beleive in voodoo though. I just had to restart my computer because when I clicked on the “back” arrow on my browser it asked me where I wanted to save the page, and when I closed the browser and tried to reopen it using a shortcut it told me what properties the application had. Now that’s voodoo.

Posted January 29, 2009 by peteum2013 in old songs, pete um, voodoo

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